Thursday, December 10, 2009

Ugh, let's just get this over with already.

So, this day is crawling for me. I mean, I've kept busy. I got a lot done around the house, baked some cookies to take to Brian's aunt and grandparents today, all that good stuff...and yet, the time is still crawling. What am I so anxious for (and I mean anxious in the not excited way)? Today I see a brand new gynecologist. Yuck. I had such an amazing doctor who delivered 2 of my children. He was like no doctor I have ever had before. He remembered my husband and kids' names, he would talk to me about what had been going on with them the last time I was in and would just really engage on a different level than just a doctor/patient, he was more like a friend. Although I certainly have never looked forward to those great little yearly appointments us ladies have to go to, I always did look forward to seeing him and was actually a little sad when I knew that I wasn't going to have anymore children because it meant I would only get to see him once a year. Well, a year and a half ago he had a heart attack and died unexpectedly. He was only in his early 50s. I was devastated. I seriously cried for days about it. I had seen him in February for my yearly and then in June, he was gone. Well, I couldn't stand the thought of having to get established with a new doctor and all that kinda stuff or even going into that office and having him not be there. It just seemed so weird. So, I never did go last February for my yearly. Shame on me, I know. That was really dumb. So, last week I called to see about getting a new doctor and getting in there. I told the girl that I had been one of Dr. Murphy's patients and that I hadn't been in since he had passed away, so I was well overdue for a yearly exam and needed a new doctor. She started telling me about a new doctor who was in there that she thought I would really like and so I proceeded to make an appointment. I had my 2010 planner out because surely they wouldn't be able to get me in until some time in January, especially since I typically ask for late afternoon appointments. To my surprise she said they had a 3:45 appointment available today! Seriously, just a little over a week from when I was making the appointment, they could get me in? Now that is nice.

Ok, I'm sure you're thinking "Um, big deal, you have to see a new doctor, is that really something to get so anxious about?" Well, that's not really the part I'm anxious about. Here's what is...I am waaaaaay overdue for my yearly and being someone who has had abnormal paps in the past and has a family with history of cervical issues, I'm kinda worried about that (and feel even more dumb about waiting so long to get in to the doctor). The other thing is I've been having some discomfort in my left breast and can feel something there. Feeling something isn't really the thing I'm most worried about, because I had 3 different surgeries to remove fibroadinomas from my breasts between the ages of 13 and 16 and I believe what I'm feeling might be scar tissue that I couldn't feel before I lost almost 30 pounds, but the fact that there is some aching and sometimes burning sensations there is making me kind of nervous. So, yeah, I'm a little anxious about that. I am hoping that she will take my concerns seriously and have that looked into, because if she doesn't, I believe I will seek a second opinion. I just really do not want to mess around with stuff like that.

So, that's my anxiety issue. I don't want to assume things that aren't there or overreact, so I'm just trying to be calm and all that about it, but I still can't help but be slightly nervous too, ya know? So, any prayers would be greatly appreaciated. Just for things to go well with establishing a relationship with a new doctor and for my concerns to be looked into properly and ultimately for a clean bill of health.

Thank you, ladies, for listening to my rant. Sometimes it just feels better to get your worries and anxieties out there. Phew. Now for 3:45 to get here and get this show on the road.


LLJ said...

Danielle, I am praying for you! I have peoples everywhere right now interfering with my thoughts to write what I really want to say, but know that I love you and I am praying for you! Leanne

*Michigan Momma* said...

praying over here too....

Luv ya Danielle!!

Lauren said...

One of my best friends saw Dr.M and was shocked when he passed away. So I understand you feel. I also understand the feeling of seeing a new doc. When I found out I was expecting, it was time to start looking. While it's all a strange feeling once again, I am sure in no time we'll learn to love our new doc too. Best of luck at your visit today. I'll be saying a prayer for you. Hang in there!

S. Smith said...

I will definitely be praying for you Danielle! One thing I can tell you is to NOT stress... God has everything in control!

Also, if it is breast cancer whatever is inside of your breast should be hard! I had a friend who passed away from breast cancer last year, and she always told me if I felt a lump that was soft or moved around it is NOT breast cancer! But if it is hard, get your butt to the doctor right now!!!

You need to keep us updated... because now I am a nervous wreck!