Thursday, August 28, 2008

It's just how I feel

Well, it's definitely been a while since I've blogged. Life has been crazy busy, but it's been a beautiful busy. No complaints about that, that's for sure.

Right now though, I have this unsettled, misunderstood feeling and it's bumming me out. Part of what has prompted this is a dream I had last night where some very important people in my life were making fun of me and saying very hurtful things about my latest "kick I'm on" and they used other terms for it too. Basically, they were referring to my relationship with Christ and treating it as though it's a "phase I'm going through" and not at all seeing it for what it actually is. I guess the reason this dream bothered me so much is because I really feel that a lot of them actually do view it like that. In reality, this is the most "real" thing that I've ever had in my life. Other believers know what I'm talking about, but how do you get the people around you who you love so much to really understand that this isn't just a "phase" or a "kick" but a whole new life? The old me is gone and I say "good riddance". I'm still me, of course. I'm still a big sarcastic goofball with all of my quirks and dorkiness that I've always been, but now there is just so much more to me. I know that people have noticed how much happier, positive, etc. I am, so why can't they see that for what it is and not view it as just something I'm experiencing for a period of time? I am on fire for the Lord. I live for Him and I just wish everyone could experience the same joy that I have. Actually, they can, they just for some reason choose not to and I can understand that because I lived that same way for so long. I just keep praying that they will too be able to experience the true joy in life that can only be found in Him.

Anyway though, I was here in my room, cleaning and listening to the Contemporary Christian station on Yahoo Launchcast (you should check it out, they play a lot of really good music and it's free) and the line "I am loved by the King and it makes my heart want to sing." played from the Chris Tomlin (incredible artist, by the way, check him out) song, How Can I Keep From Singing. I got a huge chill and teared up a little, because I know God was reminding me that He loves me and that not everyone will understand me, but He does. I have come to know that nothing happens by accident or coincidence, but God's plan is in everything. I've learned to stop and listen to what He's saying and to just trust that everything is a part of His plan. Wow, life is so much better when you can see things in that light. Anyway, here is the song with lyrics so you can know exactly what it says.

I just want to say, "Thank you, God, for sending me a little message when I was feeling down. You always seem to do that, I just have to be open enough to listen for it."

1 comment:

Ellisa said...

HUGE hugs. Remember that these feelings of inadaquecy and judgement usually come from an evil source.